Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it. Individuals are fine once you get to know them, especially if they’re interesting in conversation or have large, sumptuous breasts, but I don’t like people in the plural and I’ve seen very little to change my mind about that. I woke up one morning to find that the entire city had been covered in a three-foot layer of man-eating jam. The obedient Pit bull becomes the escaped tiger and it’s got a knife. On the other hand, the murderer would probably murder me if I didn’t too. A thief would run away, but a murderer would murder me.

It could have been a thief or a murderer. He was obviously taking an extended holiday from reality, an option that I had to admit I was finding more and more tempting. “We may die horribly the moment I turn this handle.” “I beg your pardon?” I turned the handle. He hastily pulled off his dressing gown – revealing austere black boxer shorts and a threadbare T-shirt for something called Mogworld – and began twirling it frantically around his head. There’s something terribly weird about the standard fantasy setting – not least of which the fact the phrase “standard fantasy setting” can be uttered without irony. That may be part of it, but in the end, a hero only has one job, and that’s to make himself unnecessary. I realized that the job of a hero is not to save the galaxy, or rescue princesses, or slay all the dragons. With small-town America it’s always either zombies or communists isn’t it. ~ Yahtzee Croshaw.Īnyway, something tells me that wasn’t the kind of death you come back from. His perpetual grin was wider than any I’d ever seen, and that included several guys I’d known at Dreadgrave’s with no skin on their faces. I am tightening my grip on this rock with my big red pincers. What were they going to do after killing the president, declare themselves king? ~ Yahtzee Croshaw.

She looked like a drama student who had been told to be a tree, then never told to stop. The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn’t. There was an Iron Man-shaped ache in my face. Yahtzee Croshaw is well known for his video game review series Zero Punctuation. Yahtzee Croshaw is a humorist writer, author, video game journalist and humorist.

Jam yahtzee